You’re Not Supposed to Do It Alone

Some very timely research got us thinking about generosity, success and why asking for what you need can be harder than offering it to someone else.

There’s a version of success we’ve all been sold: work hard, persevere, figure it out.

And then Angela Duckworth, the psychologist who literally wrote the book on Grit, comes along with a useful reminder.

In her New York Times guest essay, “I Study Successful People. They Have One Habit in Common,” Duckworth shares what she has learned from studying high performers.

That habit? They ask for help.

A willingness to ask for help is important to achievement. Entrepreneurs do better when they have opportunities to learn from one another. And we consistently underestimate how willing other people are to lend a hand.

Can you introduce me to someone? Do you know anyone hiring? Would you look at my résumé? How did you get into that room? Can you help me get there too?

Those questions require us to admit that we don’t know something, don’t have access to something or can’t do everything ourselves.

But they can also change the trajectory of a career.

It’s a big part of why we built SHE’S GOT NEXT. Not because successful women need more networking events on the calendar, but because having people you can call, learn from and ask for help — and being willing to introduce, advocate for and help someone else in return — changes what’s possible.

We see it happen all the time. Someone asks. Someone knows someone. An introduction gets made. Someone shares what they learned the hard way. A door opens.

And there’s another part of Duckworth’s research that we love: we underestimate how good it feels to be asked to help.

That makes sense to us.

We spend years building skills, experience, knowledge and relationships. Being able to use some of that to help someone else is valuable to them, but it can be pretty rewarding for the person doing the helping too.

Maybe asking for help isn’t the opposite of being capable.

Maybe it’s part of how we get further.

Ask for help. Offer it when you can.

Turns out, we’re more successful when we do.